I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
