He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
