ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
