we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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