Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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