I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
