I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
