i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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