im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm like, not good at living.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
