I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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