I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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