I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
