All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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