He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
