We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
