oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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