I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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