The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
