He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it hurts more in the daytime
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
