We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
