Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
