you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
