I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
