I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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