so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
