This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
