Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
