I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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