Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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