did you get engaged???
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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