did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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