Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
