Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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