My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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