i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
