Umm I'm too high to move.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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