Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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