Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I faked an abortion last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
