i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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