So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
