Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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