her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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