Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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