I heard we made out
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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