i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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