ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
