All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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