forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
