I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
