i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
