For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
