I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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