i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
