11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
