peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
