im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
